Through mine eyes
by synomous01
Summary: Note: Takes place after the final episode of "Nirvana in Fire/琅琊榜", after the battle with Da Yu. Various perspectives of different characters as they deal with the aftermath of the war. Can be read after "The ending of a long journey" story or standalone.
1. Chapter 1 - Nie Feng

**Note: Takes place after the final episode of "Nirvana in Fire/** **琅琊榜", and after the battle with Da Yu. Various perspectives of different characters as they deal with the aftermath of the war.**

 **Can be read after "The ending of a long journey" story or standalone.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own "Nirvana in Fire/** **琅琊榜"**

 ** _Chapter 1 – Nie Feng_**

 **Nie Feng**

Nie Feng sat alone in his tent, his heart in deep grief as he held a Chiyan bracelet. It was not his. As his fingers pressed over the engraved name on it, Nie Feng could no longer hold his tears back and he wept openly for the loss of his friend, his student, the young marshal of the Chiyan army, Lin Shu.

Thirteen years had passed since the bloody battle at Meiling. The case was finally resolved. The 70,000 Chiyan soldiers who died finally received the honour and justice they deserved. Prince Qi's name was cleared, and the Lin Family name restored. To bring this justice to light, a sacrifice was made, and that was Lin Shu.

Xiao Shu, the boy Nie Feng trained and mentored in the Chiyan army. What a spirit the child had, the potential in him that had only grew after year. Until it was untimely cut short. While anyone may have been worried to send an eighteen year old boy to battlegrounds, Nie Feng knew better. With Xiao Shu there, it was an asset to be used. The boy as a prodigy in martial arts as well as strategic planning. He was wise beyond his years, with a cool head in all situations.

Nie Feng remembered when he first started training Lin Shu, he was only 11 at the time. His expectations for him in martial arts was high since Xiao Shu had started learning since he was 5, but what he had been surprised by was his prowess and aptitude for military strategies. It had set him dumbstruck many times. General Lin Xie had raised a very bright son, but all intelligence, needed guidance. The boy was confident, but not foolish, and took easily to others teaching him things he did not know. Most importantly was he held great respect for his elders, and listened to Nie Feng tutelage.

Nie Feng had taught him, along with General Lin Xie and many others within the Chiyan army. Lin Shu learned quickly. And even surpassed them in many respects. Nie Feng was proud of his student. So proud of him.

It was difficult to accept that Xiao Shu was gone now. He had thought he was gone 13 years ago. But then he survived. Now however, there was no denying it. He had seen his body. Had seen the peace upon his face. The peace that Nie Feng understood. The Xiao Shu they knew, the one that blazed in the battlefield, he returned to it, he ended it as he wanted. Xia Dong had told him about what Lin Shu said for Xia Dong to do for Nihuang once he was gone. If there was only one regret, Nie Feng knew that it was Xiao Shu could never be with Nihuang, his betrothed, his love. There was nothing else that Xiao Shu would live for, if not for her. But Xiao Shu had known long before he arrived in the Capital, that he would not live long after the case was reopened and Prince Jing sat on the throne. Had it been Nie Feng himself, he did not know if he could have done that. He would give his life to have his brothers' names cleared, but that was not enough. Not with an emperor that was so cold like him, Nie Feng would be dead before he could utter the words of innocence.

Nie Feng swallowed the bitterness down as he thought of the emperor. The Lin House, Lin Xie had always given unconditional loyalty to his Majesty. And in return, he betrayed by the man he trusted. Based on one letter, the blood ran red with the emperor's choice to massacre an entire army and even his own son, Prince Qi. His paranoia, jealousy, and his pride. He killed his friend, the very one that had supported him to the throne, that had fought all his battles for him. Left his body there on Meiling Cliff, along with 70,000 men who had time and time again served the Da Liang empire.

Nie Feng remembered a time when their emperor was good, the time when he was not yet the emperor, but a low ranking prince in the royal family. How he had shown the face of a future benevolent emperor. Promises for changes. Inciting the help for the weak, the commoners. Morals and justice. Hatred for corruption. He had played the role so well that he managed to deceive everyone. They did not see his true face until he sat on that throne. Nie Feng remembered his general, Lin Xie, how unsettled and more wary he became of the person he once called friend and brother once he sat on that golden throne chair.

Nie Feng knew that Lin Xie saw something was wrong the moment that Xiao Jingyun requested for Lin Yueyao, Lin Xie's sister to enter the palace. It was known that Lin Yueyao and the marquis Yan Que were in love. Yan Que's sister was already his Majesty's empress. It was deeply wrong. But Yan Que had no choice. He could only watch as the love of his life was forced into a marriage with the emperor. It was only the start. In order to ensure that Yan Que knew his place, the emperor imposed his rights as a ruler and had Yan Que marry someone he selected for him.

It was an unhappy union of what should have been a festive occasion. The wedding was cold and Yan Que barely casted a glance at his new wife, as his heart was still with Yueyao, who was now a consort in the palace. The emperor broke the friendship between them, and he played innocent to it. It was around that time that Yan Que began to grow less interested in the matters of the court and started to learn more of the Taoist way of life. Nie Feng did not foresee any deterioration of the country's powers, but it did in fact begin to crumble bit by bit as each year passed. The emperor was self indulgent, and spent more time making political power plays with his ministers than having them do actual work. These workings Nie Feng did not truly understand, but Lin Xie often spoke of it unhappily when they travelled long distances to survey the country's borders.

It seemed things would continue on a slow path to destruction…until Prince Qi was borne. How things changed suddenly. The boy was the bright light in the darkness that was consuming Da Liang. Nie Feng had trained with the Xiao Jingyu, and he was indeed a prodigy of sorts. And as the child grew into adulthood, he was everything that his father the emperor was not: kind, generous, good to the people, and thought of the empire as a whole, not the empire being his personal playground for power play. Flanking not far behind him was Lin Shu and Xiao Jingyan, full supporters of their older brother. The there were a trio that was the next generation of how Lin Xie, Marquis Yan and the emperor once were.

Prince Qi would change everything. He was the hope in everyone's hearts. And then that hope was shattered, crushed by the emperor himself.

Nie Feng's thoughts travelled back to the battle at Meiling. Still it chilled him to think of what had happened to the Chiyan army. He had not been there, he had gone back to get reinforcements from the Capital. The pain and regret in his heart having left them, it had burned even after he had reawaken in his poisoned condition. He had, even in his weakened state, made his way back to the Meiling Cliff, his heart hoping that the Chiyan army had survived. But once he had reached there, he could not move. There were thousands of bodies, left forgotten in the open plains, buried beneath light sheathes of ash and snow. He had screamed in rage, in pain and loss for his friend and comrades. And in shame for not having returned in time to warn them of Xie Yu's betrayal.

Nie Feng remembered the last happy memory was at the camp where they had celebrated Xiao Shu's 19th birthday. An asset he was, but he was also still a boy. Nie Feng wished he did not have to face such a terrible battle, but the boy was ready. They celebrated there in General Lin Xie's tent, cups of wine and laughter, not knowing if this would be their last time seeing each other. But still, it was to die protecting their country and their people. It was their duty and honor. It was at this time, that Lin Xie gifted Lin Shu his Chiyan bracelet. The proud smile on the boy, Nie Feng remembered well.

Nie Feng could not control the tears when that memory came to him. Xiao Shu, his da-ge Lin Xie, and the Chiyan army had not died in the enemies hands. They had died in the hands of their own comrades, based on a death edict given by their own emperor. They did not even have a chance to fight a proper battle with them, because they had thought the imperial army was their calvary, not the ones sent to massacre them. There were so many bodies there, left unburied, unmourned. Nie Feng remembered he had wanted to die there. He had wanted to die there with his comrades. But he couldn't. He couldn't die, he had to go back, return to the Capital, tell them, tell them the truth of what had happened.

But how. Nie Feng had looked at his hands, the white fur on his hands and face. He was a monster. But Nie Feng at that time had not realized how precarious his condition was. It was on his journey back to the Capital that he started to feel the thirst. It was so painful. It burned his insides. He went into an agony that could not be described. He discovered what he had to do to alleviate the pain; drink blood. Nie Feng had been disgusted with himself. But he knew not what else he could do. So he drank blood from animals that he found in the woods. He had hoped that drinking blood would cure him, cure his inability to speak. But it did not. The condition became so bad sometimes he would be in that fevered state for hours in a day. Nie Feng found himself a place to hide in the mountain side. When he discovered that Xia Dong had also placed his grave in that same area, Nie Feng had made it his routine to see her each year she came there. The dream of telling her or telling anyone what happened diminished day by day as his condition worsened. Nie Feng was only a shadow of himself. He lived in a living hell.

It was like this for the next 13 years. Until the day he was caught by that General Qimeng. And then he was suddenly reunited with the past, a person he thought had perished with the Chiyan army; Lin Shu.

Yet he had not recognized him at first. He only saw a man, pale and scholarly, with sorrowful brown eyes that looked at him through the cage. The man had repeatedly assured him that everything would be okay, that he would take care of everything. And then the man had him bathed, given him not only medicine, but blood to drink.

Nie Feng had at the time for some reason trusted this man. The stranger who seemed to know him, but Nie Feng could not place him. It was not until in the evening, when the man and another woman were by his bedside, that he found out who he was. Xiao Shu. The boy Nie Feng had watched grow up, the boy he had thought died among the thousands of unclaimed bodies at the Meiling Cliff.

Nie Feng had wept then and he now wept again. When he had learned of what happened to Xiao Shu after the battle of Meiling from Lin Chen, it had shaken him deeply. Xiao Shu had suffered unimaginable pain, essentially trading his life for the justice of Prince Qi, the Lin House, and 70,000 Chiyan soldiers. Because of his sacrifice, Nie Feng had his rights to live as his own name, and so did all the survivors of the Chiyan soldiers. There were not many, but with their family names restored, their children were able to have their names back as well. Li Gang and Zhen Ping were examples of the orphans left behind from the war. They now had a name to return to.

Except Lin Shu. Lin Shu never took back his name. Even when he joined them in the battle against Da Yu, he joined as Mei Changsu. There were many soldiers that looked at him strangely, why a weak and pale strategist was doing there in the field. Yet one look from Commander General Meng shut them up. The soldiers knew not of the legacy of the Lin House. Just as there would never be another Prince Qi, there would never be another Lin Shu.

Nie Feng and Xia Dong had been sent to Northern Yan to deal with enemy breach there. They had heard the news of the fall of Da Yu shortly after their own victory. The reports said it had been an extraordinary battle, one that the 400 soldiers that survived would tell their children in the years to come. It had been 500 against 50,000 men. The men that had followed Mei Changsu and Commander General Meng had not expected to return. But they had, most of them came back, with glorious tales of how this tactician was able to pinpoint the weaknesses of the enemy, dividing their army of 500 into 5 smaller armies. Each had their target of a specific area and then had been tasked to merge with another army at certain points. With the constant regrouping and also understanding of what tactics Da Yu would use to fight them, gave them a great advantage. Within 6 days, the Da Yu army formations were shattered, their leader killed, and they were forced to surrender. 500 men were able to do this.

In the report they also listed those who had perished in the battle. The name Mei Changsu was listed.

Nie Feng remembered feeling numb. Xia Dong could do all but hold back her tears. They had several items that needed to be handled before they could head back to the camp where Commander General Meng stayed. The moment everything was done, they set out. They travelled in silence. Nothing could be said. In their minds, there was hope, hope that the name on the report was a mistake or misprint of some sort.

When they arrived at the camp, it was evening already, there was song and victory celebrations. Tables had been set up outside, food prepared and laughter of soldiers that had survived the Da Yu battle. Nie Feng and Xia Dong tried not to feel repelled by the joy of their fellow comrades. This was a victory. They had a right to be happy. But the cost. The cost was their friend's life.

When a bearded man, knocked his glass with his metal spoon and called all the comrades at the table to attention, Nie Feng and Xia Dong could not help but look over.

The man started with saying that he, Long Hai, had never seen such a victory in his years in the army service. And that Mei Changsu, the man he himself had held reservations about being to coordinate such a complicated and suicidal strategy, had taken the lead role of the division heading the most dangerous target area. Long Hai said he was on that division, along with Commander General Meng and several of the stronger fighters. Yet no matter how strong of a group they had, they were going to face Tobuo Hao's main division.

Long Hai said that it was only on the battlefield that he was awestruck at the skill of Mei Changsu, for never had he seen any scholar be able to fight like he did. In fact, he could have been on par with Commander General Meng Zhi, and he was known to be the strongest warrior in all of Da Liang. In the haze of the battle, for those who could afford a glance at, was the glorious fight with Mei Changsu, Commander General Meng, and the leader of the 50,000 troops, Tuoba Hao.

Long Hai said, he was one of the few who had seen the final battle between the leaders of the division and the enemy. Tuoba Hao had two of his fiercest generals fighting beside him, making it nearly impossible to get to him. But Long Hai saw an exchange that had happened between Commander General Meng and Mei Changsu. Long Hai could tell even without words, there was a fear on Commander General Meng's face as Mei Changsu had him handle the subordinates while he took on Tuoba Hao himself. Long Hai too had thought that was mad, Mei Changsu may know martial arts, but he would be no match for a seasoned fighter like Tuoba Hao. And that fight, said Long Hai, was what brought him to the realization that Mei Changsu was one of the best fighters he had seen in a long time. He was fierce in his attacks, no hesitation. He was like a seasoned warrior, fearless and full of fire. There was also something oddly familiar with his fighting, like he had seen it before in the past. Long Hai could not shake it off. He continued fighting his way to get to them, to help them.

Yet no matter what, Tuoba Hao was superior. His skill may not have been matched by Mei Changsu, but he had greater strength. Mei Changsu had sustained many wounds from Tuoba Hao, but he continued to fight. Mei Changsu though was not only fighting, but he was saying something, Long Hai was too far away to hear, but it was agitating the enemy leader. There was a moment, a moment when for some reason Tuoba Hao lost all reason and let his guard down, and it was then that Mei Changsu buried his blade in the enemy's abdomen, through his armour.

Long Hai had been shocked.

Tuoba Hao was still for a moment and then his lifeless body fell. Someone cheered. One of their own. Long Hai said he too cheered at that moment, realizing that they had defeated the undefeatable leader of Da Yu. They had won!

Mei Changsu had then fallen to one knee, blood trickled down the side of his mouth. Long Hai said he had raced to reach his side, but Commander General Meng was there first, and thankfully was able to catch him before he collapsed. There were words exchanged between them, brothers in arms, and that was when Mei Changsu passed. Commander General Meng had shed tears and grief for the man. Long Hai said then, to all his comrades, that he too, though he did not know Mei Changsu well, shed tears. For the man was a hero, not only did he slay the enemy of Da Yu, Tuoba Hao and forced the surrender of Da Yu, but because of his military strategies, it saved all of their lives so that they could all go home to their families. To Mei Changsu! There had been a loud cheer, and again, to Mei Changsu! Was shouted.

Although there was cheering and laughter and drinks, the night seemed cold for two people.

Nie Feng and Xia Dong had stood there, hands knotted together, unable, unwilling to move. Xia Dong said what Nie Feng wanted to say, but couldn't bring himself to say it, in a voice barely a whisper:

"To Lin Shu. To our young marshal, Lin Shu of the Chiyan army."


	2. Chapter 2 - Meng Zhi

**Note: Takes place after the final episode of "Nirvana in Fire/** **琅琊榜** **", and after the battle with Da Yu. Various perspectives of different characters as they deal with the aftermath of the war. Meng Zhi's thoughts. Lin Chen and Fei Liu make an appearance.**

 **Can be read after "The ending of a long journey", "An old member of the Qi Household, said I" stories or standalone.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own "Nirvana in Fire/** **琅琊榜** **"**

 **Meng Zhi**

Commander General Meng Zhi sat by the bank side of a river, with Fei Liu and Lin Chen. They were still at the basecamp; there would be another day before they headed back to the Capital. Although the three sat together, there were no words exchanged as each were deep in their own thoughts.

The only sound was the natural flow of the river stream, birds chirping in the distance, and the soft rustling of the tree leaves from the occasional wind.

Xiao Shu was gone. The sorrow that Meng Zhi felt, it was hard to describe. Meng Zhi's mind could not help but recall Xiao Shu at the battle with Da Yu. With Tuoba Hao.

They had been fighting, trying to get closer to take out Tuoba Hao. When they had finally spotted Tuoba Hao, the look that Xiao Shu flashed him, that Tuoba Hao was _his_ to take on, while forcing Meng Zhi to fight two high ranking generals that were flanking the enemy leader. Meng Zhi had wanted to refuse because he knew that Tuoba Hao was extremely skilled in martial arts. Though the man never ranked with the Langya List, it was only because he chose not to. There was no way Xiao Shu could beat him, even with his renewed strength. Lin Shu had not practiced a day of martial arts for the past 13 years, how was he going to take on someone who constantly battled? Meng Zhi himself knew he couldn't best him either. Xiao Shu, what are you thinking, he had thought then.

But there was no stopping Lin Shu when he set his mind to it. How worried Meng Zhi had been while he was left to dispose two the generals, it was also hard to place on a scale. Meng Zhi kept notice of the battle between Tuoba Hao and Lin Shu, keeping them at the corner of his eye. Lin Shu was doing exceptionally well actually. But there was definitely a lack of fluidity that only Meng Zhi could notice.

There was a swipe to the right, to the left, Meng Zhi could see his young Marshal was wounded. How badly, he couldn't tell from his distance. At the moment, however, he could do nothing but face the two enemy generals that were strategically determined to kill him.

When Meng Zhi had finally taken down the two, his first priority had been to aid his friend. But he had been too late. Instead, he could only bear witness to the killing blow Xiao Shu dealt to Tuoba Hao and then falling to one knee moments afterwards.

Meng Zhi had been shocked, though he was not the only one. There were others who had also seen it.

"Tuoba Hao is dead!" A cry came out. And there were cries of victory that followed, realizing that the enemy's army leader was disposed. Victory was at hand.

But Meng Zhi had not cared at the moment, he was only concerned of his friend Xiao Shu. He raced to his, just as the man started to collapse from his injuries. He was so light, so frail.

There was blood. So much of it. Xiao Shu's face was so pale as well. So frighteningly colourless.

"Xiao Shu," he managed out. Tears burned in his eyes. He had let the young marshal down. It should have been him lying there. Not Xiao Shu. He had done so much already. He deserved to live. This wasn't right.

"Xiao Shu, Xiao Shu, please," he had begged, "Stay with me. Stay. I'm so sorry." He was afraid for his friend who was slipping away quickly.

"Meng Zhi," Lin Shu whispered, his voice weak, "don't be sorry. You did your duty, as did I. I am okay." Blood trickled from the side of his mouth. Lin Shu stared forward, however, his eyes held a sense of happiness and relief. "I can… rest now." Meng Zhi followed Lin Shu's train of sight. He was looking at the Da Liang soldiers in the battlefield, their expressions of victory, of joy as they cheered. The enemy soldiers were retreating. They had won the most critical of battles. With Tuoba Hao gone, the remaining attacks to Da Liang would be nothing in comparison. They had won against Da Yu, their greatest foe.

Meng Zhi looked down just as Xiao Shu closed his eyes.

"Xiao Shu?" His voice cracked as he said his friend's name again.

The air had suddenly become chilled despite the blazing heat of the sun.

"Xiao Shu…" Brows furrowed in fear, he had gripped Xiao Shu's armor, wanting to will life back into his friend. But he was gone. There was nothing he could do.

A tear rolled down Meng Zhi's face as he cradled Xiao Shu's still body.

Xiao Shu's eyes had closed, and there was a peaceful smile that rested on his face. More uncontrolled tears had started to stream down Meng Zhi's face, but he didn't pay heed to it.

"Xiao Shu," Meng Zhi cried his friend's name again.

Nothing he could do at all.

Meng Zhi's mind came back to the present.

His heart was heavy. He worried for his friends, how they were all handling the grief. Princess Nihuang, how painful the separation was to start, but to lose him again… Meng Zhi swallowed the lump that formed in his throat. It was too cruel of fate to give the two false hope of a future.

And Prince Jing. How he too must hurt so deeply by Xiao Shu's death. For 13 years, Prince Jing had been broken by the loss of Prince Qi and Xiao Shu. To lose him again… it must hurt so much more. Meng Zhi had not understood why Xiao Shu kept his identity secret from Prince Jing. But he began to understand it bit by bit, as he himself was pulled to want to protect Xiao Shu.

If Prince Jing had known who Xiao Shu was earlier, Meng Zhi knew that things would not have turned out this way. One of the other Prince's, Prince Yu or Prince Xian. Either one would have had the same be a power hungry temperament as the current emperor. The continued rotting and corruption within the Da Liang courts would send Da Liang to ruin.

But Lin Shu's appearance had changed all that. Like a wind he came, tearing away the corruption, and in its wake, a fresh start for the empire. It was a bittersweet consequence. One man's life for peace and prosperity for an entire empire.

Meng Zhi looked over at Fei Liu, who had been despondent and quiet since he learned of Xiao Shu's death. The boy had not wanted to leave Xiao Shu's side; only the firm voice of Lin Chen pulled him away. Right now the boy sat there, silent as ever, his eyes misty and far away.

As for Lin Chen, Meng Zhi looking at him, was not sure how to make of the man. He was, as much as he hated to admit it, much like Xiao Shu in many ways. He was highly intelligent and able to conceal his emotions well. Perhaps it was the nonchalant expression he often held. Meng Zhi would not have known the depth of the man's sorrow had it not been when he first rode in after the victory, and saw Lin Chen there, devastation on his face. And the moment of affirmation as Meng Zhi nodded; Xiao Shu was killed in battle.

After that, the man had asked him how Xiao Shu had died. Even as he relayed everything to Lin Chen, the emotion he showed was composed. Just as he was right now. Somehow, Meng Zhi felt that Lin Chen was sitting there only because Fei Liu was there. It was his quiet way of comforting the boy.

Meng Zhi understood that. Sometimes comfort came in just simply being in each other's company. Meng Zhi didn't mind it. Right now, he needed it too. But tomorrow…tomorrow he would spar with Fei Liu. Keep his mind occupied so it didn't dwell too much, to allow grief swallow him whole. Yes. Tomorrow was another day, Meng Zhi thought as he set his gaze back out to the riverside, to the mountains, taking in the peace and tranquility. Each day, the grief would slowly pass, but the memory of Lin Shu would not be forgotten.


	3. Chapter 3 - Lin Chen

**Note:** Takes place after the final episode of "Nirvana in Fire/琅琊榜", and after the battle with Da Yu. Perspectives of different characters as they deal with the aftermath of the war. Perspective of Lin Chen.

Can be read after "The ending of a long journey".

 **Lin Chen**

It was a cold day at Langya mountain. Snow had started falling since the rise of the sun, and there was now at least three inches of snow on the ground. And it would continue to grow. While Lin Chen was not all that fond of snow, there was a person who was – Fei Liu. The boy loved to play with the snow. And today, with no surprise, the boy was outside the moment Lin Chen dismissed him from their daily lessons.

Lin Chen watched as Fei Lei meticulously gathered snow like a squirrel gathering nuts. He had piled a whole stack by the table side already. The boy had a genuine smile on his face, an excitement to finish whatever work of art he had in mind. Likely a giant snowball, thought Lin Chen. Sometimes it was good that Fei Liu enjoyed the simple things in life, it was easier to distract from things that troubled the heart.

After the war with Da Yu, the settlement of everything, Lin Chen had taken Fei Liu on the trip that he had prepared for his friend, Changsu. In all respects, Lin Chen was sure his friend would have enjoyed it. But he couldn't, because he had already perished in the war. Lin Chen had held on hope till the last minute, until when Changsu had left that day, to his final battle.

Changsu had said, "Lin Chen, thank you. For everything."

Lin Chen had tried to compose himself then. Thank you? How could he say thank you. Lin Chen should never have made the Bingxu grass into pill form. Changsu would then never had the choice of going to battle. He would have left with him to travel, to find peace. Lin Chen swallowed the bitterness. But the reality was that he _did_ make the grass into pill form and Changsu had taken it. Changsu had said it was blessing for him to return to the battlefield, it was where he belonged. But to Lin Chen, though he knew in his heart, this was what his friend wanted, he still did not want to accept it. It was not what he envisioned his friend's last days to be. It never should have ended that way.

Changsu had comforted Fei Liu, saying that it was okay, that although he would no longer be there, he would always watch over him. And that Fei Liu needed to remember to behave. Don't eat too much fruit, at most two a day. Otherwise, Su ge-ge would be upset. Fei Liu had wiped away his tears and nodded to everything Changsu said. Lin Chen could feel Fei Liu's pain and loss. The boy may not understand everything around him, but he understood that moment, that it would be the last time he would see his Su ge-ge.

Lin Chen was not oblivious to the fact Fei Liu clearly adored the ground Mei Changsu walked on, even though it was _he_ that had found him starving in the alley way. But it was of course Changsu who, when he saw Lin Chen poking at the child, told him to stop teasing the hapless Fei Liu at the time and showed the boy instant kindess. Lin Chen had saw it then, that Changsu saw a bit of himself in Fei Liu. A once normal person, but because of the evil intent of those more powerful than them, they were thrown into hell. A hell that broke them until nothing of their own trueselves remained, leaving all but an empty body as a shell. Mei Changsu had climbed out of that hell by himself, with his mind, heart, and morals intact. And he wanted to preserve that in young Fei Liu.

Fei Liu was a child that had been kidnapped and taken away by the Japanese. The boy was trained to be an assassin and would have been one, had not the guild been disbanded. Most of the children who were already trained as assassins were killed. Since Fei Liu had not been sent on any missions and knew no details of the guild, he was allowed to live.

Though living was hardly the case. The child had been tossed away on to the street like a used rag. Because of the drugs that the boy had been forced to take to ensure absolute obedience, it resulted in long-term brain damage. They hadn't released Fei Liu to live, they had thrown him away to die slowly. Even Lin Chen could not reverse the effects of it, but he was able to reduce teach the boy different forms of martial arts so that it would not damage his qi.

Lin Chen remembered the conversation that Mei Changsu had with Fei Liu the first time he had met the boy. There hadn't been many words. Just a connection.

 _"_ _What is your name?"_

 _The boy had only looked at Mei Changsu, cornered away at the side alley. When the child continued to only stare at him, Changsu decided to introduce himself._

 _"_ _My name is Mei Changsu, but you can call me Su ge-ge if you would like." And Changsu had moved to brush away the long messy straggly bangs that hung over the child's face._

 _Lin Chen had moved to stop him, knowing that although Fei Liu appeared scared and weak, he was nothing like that. He could fight. Lin Chen had been fighting with him in the alley way, or well, chasing him down at any rate. It was quite fun. The child was like a fire cracker, quick with his fists as he was with his feet. The boy, Lin Chen recognized from a brand on his arm, belonged to the disbanded assassin's guild. Changsu must have seen it as well. There were a few that had been found, and many had been too far gone to help._

 _Most however, were not as half starved as this one was. Half starved but still fast, wild, and unpredictable. That was what Lin Chen worried about. While Lin Chen could defend himself, his friend Mei Changsu could not. Changsu was not a normal person. He was an ill person, that though he had an incredibly sharp mind, the body that cased it, was weak and frail and had little to no strength in it. Should Changsu receive any blows, he certainly could not withstand it. One of the many reasons he disliked it when Changsu insisted on leaving Langya mountain._

 _"_ _Careful, Changsu," warned Lin Chen, trying to hide his worry._

 _"_ _He means no harm, Lin Chen." Mei Changsu said calmly and then looked to boy in confirmation, "Right?"_

 _The boy locked eyes on to Mei Changsu. The two stared at each other in silence for a long moment. Lin Chen was not sure what to make of it, but indeed there was an connection being made. How Changsu did that with people sometimes still unnerved Lin Chen. It was as if he could see through a person's soul with his eyes. It seemed that he was doing that with a child, but not any normal child. One that had been trained by an assassin's guild._

 _Mei Changsu crouched down to the boy's eye level and then gently straightened the messy hair covering the boy's face._

 _"_ _There. You can see much better now. Do you want to come with Su ge-ge and have something good to eat? I am kind of hungry right now as well."_

 _"_ _Fei Liu." The boy suddenly said._

 _Mei Changsu smiled. "Ah Fei Liu. A fitting name for someone so agile. Fei Liu, what would you like to eat?"_

 _The boy didn't seem to know, he only stared at Mei Changsu with his wide eyes. "How about we have something simple. Lin Chen ge-ge," he indicated to Lin Chen, "likes_ _fěnsī_ _dàn the most. Why don't we go have some?"_

 _Fei Liu casted a look that Lin Chen, his face more or so frowning in not wanting Lin Chen's company._

 _"_ _Come now, Fei Liu," said Lin Chen with a wide smile. "If it weren't for me, you wouldn't have found your Su ge-ge."_

 _The boy was even more discomforted and only stared back at him unhappily._

 _And then Mei Changsu said with a mischievous smile, "How about we have food without him?"_

 _Lin Chen's mouth had fallen agape at his words. "Hey!"_

 _Fei Liu smiled at that and nodded, now holding on to Mei Changsu's hand like a lifeline._

 _Changsu, Changsu, thought Lin Chen, as his friend smirked at him, what a great friend you are. And to think I have been treating your illness for so many years! Just toss aside your physician on a whim. See if I treat you again!_

 _As if reading his mind, Changsu said "But…then Lin Chen ge-ge would be hungry and cranky. Su ge-ge still needs to travel with him…so we don't want that, do we? How about we be the bigger person, and let him come along?"_

 _Lin Chen felt both better and annoyed at the same time. Changsu…locking eyes with his friend, Lin Chen gave his threat through his eyes. For his friend's next treatment when he fell ill again, Lin Chen would for certain make the tonic Changsu drank be the most bitter one. Changsu got the message, though he was quite nonchalant about it. Typical. Lin Chen looked Fei Liu who appeared to be in deep thought._

 _At last after a long moment, he said, "Okay. Su ge-ge"_

From that day forward, Fei Liu was a shadow to Mei Changsu, looking after his Su ge-ge, making sure he was always safe from any danger. But today, on this cold a snowy day, Lin Chen could see Fei Liu, for a moment, had forgotten that his Su ge-ge was gone. The boy looked at the doorway, expecting his Su ge-ge to toss a snowball playfully at him. There was a person there, but it wasn't his Su ge-ge. He was gone. Forever. Fei Liu held on to the snow that was in his hands, lost in thought for a moment.

"Fei Liu," called out Lin Chen.

The boy turned to look at him suddenly had a face full of snow.

There was a moments pause and then Fei Liu grabbed a handful of snow and formed it into a ball. It flew past Lin Chen's ear fast and furious. Lin Chen laughed and shouted "You missed!" And just as he said that, snow was suddenly in his mouth as well.

"Ha!"

Spitting out the snow and in mock anger, Lin Chen began his game of a snowfight with Fei Liu.

 **Physician Yan**

Physician Yan stood in the doorway of the Langya residence and watched the Lin Chen and Fei Liu toss snowballs at each other. The two were quite ridiculous sometimes, pulling pranks at each other. But it was really Lin Chen's doing of course since he was always the instigator of the "game". The man sometimes acted so immature, it was hard to imagine that he was a master physician. But as immature as the man was, he was observant. As was Physician Yan when he saw the way Fei Liu look to where he stood, searching to see someone else at the doorway that could never be there.

Physician remembered the man. Who could not? He was a man that carried a great burden alone, a man that had a plan to change things for Da Liang. To return justice to the 70,000 Chiyan soldiers lives. To reveal the truth and innocence of Prince Qi and the Lin House.

When Physician Yan had taken the role as physician for Mei Changsu, it was initially based on a bet with Lin Chen. He had heard of the Jiangzuo Alliance Chief, who had not? First on the Langya List, wise and farseeing, he who had him, had the world. So it was said. It did not matter if Physician believed it or not, he was there to help a patient, that was all. Yet by the end of the stay at the capital for nearly two years, Physician Yan looked to Mei Changsu with respect and friendship. How many times Mei Changsu had challenged him, to even have Fei Liu fly him to the roof so he could go out to prevent a disaster at the year end rites. The man again and again pushed himself past limits that his body could endure, to do what he set out to do. And he had done it. He had set in motion a great change, for the good, to the Da Liang courts. Prince Jing, as Mei Changsu said, was the most suitable ruler. He was right. There was peace and prosperity in the empire now.

Mei Changsu was a man of vision. He had lived so that he could bring about the ripple of change to Da Liang. First to bring Justice, but foremost was to ensure peace and prosperity to the people of Da Liang, a pledge that the Lin House made to the country. Mei Changsu saw Prince Jing to be the only person that could trust and see through this vision of his; even though he himself would not live to see it.

It had always been the bigger picture for the man. But Mei Changsu was not without his moments, where the insecurity, the fear of failure, gripped him. The times when he had fallen gravely ill, they were probably the only times that Mei Changsu was allowed to be himself, to speak his troubled thoughts and fears through incoherent words. They were sometimes apologies. To his father, for not living his life as his father had begged him to in his last breath. To Nihuang for not being able to choose to be with her, to protect her, to honour their betrothal. To Prince Jing for having him fight for the throne and placing him in the frontlines of danger. There were layers of pain hidden beneath the indiscernible face of Mei Changsu. But underneath it, he was very human. Heartbreakingly human. Li Gang, Zhen Ping, and Fei Liu had stayed by the man through those terrible nights, offering words of comfort even though they knew that Mei Changsu could not hear them.

Physician Yan sighed and stretched out his hand to the falling snow. Mei Changsu, he thought, as he continued to observe the two figures throw snowballs at each other. How indeed there were so many that mourn your loss. But I don't as much. Because I think you found the peace you were seeking for when you returned to the battlefield. Eventually the two out there, in time, they would understand.

Time.

Time will heal all.


	4. Chapter 4 - Emperor Xiao Xuan

**Note:** Takes place after the final episode of "Nirvana in Fire/琅琊榜", and after the battle with Da Yu. Perspectives of different characters as they deal with the aftermath of the war. Perspective of Lin Chen.

 **Emperor Xiao Xuan of Da Liang**

A man robed in the finest sleeping garments of Da Liang sat upright on his bed still, his hands folded on his lap, his face broken out in cold sweat.

The emperor, in the past, had bad dreams. And they had had been of Yueyao running towards him, her cries echoing in the halls, and it continued to, in his mind, for the past thirteen years. "Your Majesty…your Majesty…" It would never stop. It would go on and on and he would always awaken, deeply shaken, his heart racing madly.

Jing Fei, it was she would come and help him, comfort him and help him sleep. Her words were always kind and soothing and able to ease his anxiety. But of the recent events, Emperor Xiao Xuan knew they had been all lies. She had played him. And used his affection for her against him. She and Jingyan and all those in the palace court... they had all colluded with the traitor… Lin Shu. But… traitor he wasn't. He swallowed down the lump that was in his throat. Lin Shu wasn't a traitor. Nor was his father, his brother in arms, Lin Xie. And the 70,000 men of the Chiyan army. And his son…Jingyu.

The Emperor Xiao Xuan looked down at his hands. There was blood on them that he knew could never be cleansed. Jingyu. His son, his child. It had been that one moment of doubt that Xia Jiang and Xie Yu had taken advantage of. It had been their fault. It had been their fault! But those eyes… and those words. It had left him with guilt and regret and swept him away from the warmth of a dream he thought it should have been.

In his dream, he had stood in front of the Lin Manor. It was restored in its former splendor as it was in the past, full of lush greens and flowers, but most importantly, Cherry blossoms that lined the sides of the courtyard. He walked through the gates of the Manor, and he passed by an area where he and Lin Xie in their youthful days practiced their martial arts while Yan Que sat reading his classics. He lingered there for a moment, remembering the fond memories of the past, of the friendship the three of them had. They had been close like brothers.

His ears picked up a sound of laughter not far ahead. It could have been anyone, but he knew that laughter anywhere. It was Yueyao's. His heart ached terribly suddenly and he wanted retreat, to leave the Lin Manor. Yet a part of him couldn't. He wanted to see her. He wanted to see her smile, the joy in her eyes as she laughed.

Xiao Xuan forced himself to move forward, and walked towards the sound of Yueyao. Just past the cherry blossoms, there she was, sitting by a stone table, her fair face in the light, a gentle smile gracing it as she sewed the silk thread patiently through to make what looked like a fragrance pouch. She was just as he remembered her, just as young and beautiful, her face vibrant with such life and happiness. Jingyang was beside Yueyao, smiling and focused as she too worked on her own pouch.

Xiao Xuan wanted to step forward and reveal himself, but he couldn't. He didn't want to disturb the happiness, the peace that was shared between the two women as they quietly sewed.

At the corner of his eyes, however, Xiao Xuan saw two figures exit the Lin manor study. He could feel his heart shake. The faces came closer to view. It was Lin Xie and Jingyu. The two of them came out of the study, smiles on their faces. Lin Xie had one arm arm around Jingyu; close like father and son. The Emperor couldn't help but feel an irrational jealousy boil up to the surface. But was it irrational though? In life it was like that, and even now in his dreams, they were like that. Jingyu always listened to Lin Xie, his uncle, more than he did to him. Lin Xie's suggestions were more logical, and it was better for the country.

Better for the country, it was always those same words. But who was the one that ruled the country? It was he, Xiao Xuan, not Xiao Jingyu. And certainly not Lin Xie. Yet as soon as the thoughts crossed his mind, he realized again, this was only a dream. Because in reality, they were gone. Like ashes blown away by the wind, these faces he saw now, he would never see again in life.

Xiao Xuan's eyes grew misty and a wave a sorrow overcame him. Lin Xie, his childhood friend, the one that had gone through hell and fire to fight for him, to save him in his time of greatest need. Yueyao, the love of his life, the one he loved more than any other. Jingyang, his younger sister whom he had doted on the most compared to his other siblings. And then there was Jingyu. His boy. His son.

Xiao Xuan took a step forward, wanting to see them up-close. His family. His heart pounded. It is a dream. I control the dream. I can do this, they will acknowledge me no matter what, he repeated the mantra in his mind.

Suddenly, they all looked in his direction, taking notice of him. The happiness in their face faded. There was so much sorrow in their eyes. Xiao Xuan found he couldn't move. He started to speak, but he stopped when someone walked past him; a man dressed in a pale gray robe. Xiao Xuan realized it wasn't him that they were looking at.

Who was this person to take away their attention from him?

Xiao Xuan moved to see the man's face. It was the pale scholar from Langzhou.

Mei Changsu.

No. Lin Shu.

Lin Shu stood there, his eyes were filled with both joy and sadness. There was an impenetrable void of silence that seemed to hang in the air.

Yueyao had tears in her eyes as Jingyang moved forward to embrace Lin Shu.

"Xiao Shu." The words came out in barely a whisper.

There was a cold wind that came suddenly, rustling the trees, petals from the cherry blossoms fell, scattering around them.

Lin Xie spoke, his voice was gentle, "Come. Let us go inside."

No, Xiao Xuan wanted to protest. "Wait!" He cried out. "Lin Xie!" But Lin Xie did not turn. "Jingyu! Jingyang!"

But they appeared to not hear him either and walked away to inside the Manor.

"Yueyao…" he called lastly and softly.

It seemed as if Yueyao was not going to stop, but she paused in mid-step and turned around to face him directly. Her piercing brown eyes met his. There was neither joy nor love in her gaze.

And there was an affirmation as well. The look in her eyes spoke volumes. She had nothing to say to him. She did not stay for him. She never had.

He realized he would not see her again. This would be the last time.

"Wait," he pleaded again as he saw her start to turn away to leave. "Please, Yueyao. Speak with me a moment. I… I never meant any of this to happen. They tricked me. They lied to me. It was them. It was **them**! They are to blame! Xia Jiang. Xie Yue. It was **them**."

"Your Majesty," she said softly, "they may have started you on the path of doubt. But it was you who made your decision so swiftly. On one forged letter from a General. You did not verify. You did not even speak to Jingyu. Not even when he requested to speak with you. You did not heed your ministers as they begged you to think things through. You did not listen to those that were loyal to you. Those who supported you. Those who loved you. You forgot who your family was."

"And even now, you claim it was others who made you do this. Your words, your condition to Xiao Shu, I heard them. Even until the end, you would condemn him away. You asked if he remembered. How you held him and piggy backed him when he was young. When you took him riding at Jiu An mountain. Flew kites with him."

She paused. "But it was not **he** who had forgotten. It was **you**. And you still had the heartlessness to make him promise to not claim his name for your own pride, for your own mistake."

Yueyao turned to face the manor for a moment. "He told you the truth. He had never intended to reveal who he was. Because in the end, he thought of the country first. And he thought of Jingyan and of what sacrifices would be necessary in order to start a clean slate for Da Liang."

Looking back at Xiao Xuan, she said "And he remembered his family. No matter what, you were still his uncle. That never changed. But in your heart, he was not your nephew. To you, he was a threat."

Her voice grew soft again, "He did not have long to live, your Majesty. He suffered for thirteen years, went through hardships and carried a burden no one person should have carried."

"You look for forgiveness. Xiao Xuan," Yueyao looked at him, her eyes suddenly fiercely cold. "But I cannot give it to you. I cannot give you forgiveness for the blood you have on your hands. For the Lin House, Lin Xie, Lin Shu, my entire family. For Jingyang, your sister. For the 70,000 Chiyan men who gave their lives to protect the country but under a single order of yours, were massacred. For Xiao Jingyu, who you refused to see or listen to him and instead gave him a death edict. How much you would sacrifice to shut out the truth, even when you already knew it. Only you can find that forgiveness from those you have harmed."

Xiao Xuan swallowed, his voice thick with emotion, and said, "I only want yours. Just your forgiveness will be enough, Yueyao."

"Then you have not changed," she said, her eyes were flat with disappointment. And she moved to leave.

"Wait! Please. Yueyao. Please wait!"

But she did not turn, only continued to walk away from him.

Xiao Xuan moved forward to follow her, stretching out his arm to touch her shoulder, but instead he grasped air. He was surprised, for like a white mist, she suddenly faded away and was gone. The Emperor opened his eyes then.

He had sat upright then. Shaken by the dream… no, nightmare. He wanted to call for Jingfei, but he could not bring himself to. Yueyao's words. How angry she was. How she hated him so much she would grant him forgiveness.

But no, he had to remind himself. She was just a figment of his imagination. A dream. It was his mind making up nonsense. That was all.

Yet the words of the Yueyao in his dream, echoed in his mind. Find forgiveness to those who he had harmed.

Lin Shu. Would he forgive him? If it were he in his shoes, would he forgive someone that had taken everything away from him?

Xiao Xuan had sat motionless on his bed for sometime before Gao Zhan announced his presence. He had something to report to him.

"Your Majesty, a report has come in. The situation at Da Yu, it has been neutralized."

"Good." Was all he managed to say. Jingyan was doing a good job. Perhaps Lin Shu was correct. The son he thought least likely to rule well was capable afterall.

Gao Zhan sensed something was wrong. "Your Majesty?"

"Hmm."

"Is there something on your mind?"

"Nothing. Nothing I can't handle." After a pause, he continued, "Gao Zhan, Mei Changsu, summon him to see me tomorrow."

When Gao Zhan seemed to hesitate, Xiao Xuan looked at his eunuch, "What is it?"

"Your Majesty…, Mei Changsu…"

"What is it, say it now," said Xiao Xuan, getting annoyed.

"He was killed at the battle of Da Yu."

Emperor Xiao Xuan went completely still for a moment. He felt a chill go through him. Lin Shu was gone.

The dream. Lin Shu's appearance. Yueyao. Lin Xie. Jingyang. Jingyu. It was real. No. It couldn't be. No. It wasn't possible.

Yet Yueyao's words echoed again in his mind. No longer were the words crying and begging him, "Your Majesty, your Majesty," as she ran to him, it was now the words of seeking forgiveness from those he had harmed and the worse was, Yueyao's last words to him. Or more her lack of. She had said he had not changed. And no words of forgiveness was given. And the look in her eyes. Her words. It would haunt him.

He was old he realized. He had softened. And he had let a dream shake him so much. He had to remember. He was still the Emperor then, and he was still now. He had been faced with a difficult decision then. It was wrong. But he had made amends. The Chiyan case was re-trialed. It. It was just a bad dream. And even if it wasn't…even if it wasn't…

"Yueyao," he said softly, "When I see you again, you will understand. I know you will. All of you will."

Gao Zhan looked at him at a side glance, but said nothing. Instead, he lit some incense by the side table for him.

As Gao Zhan moved to leave, Xiao Xuan waved him over.

"Tomorrow, we will go to the Lin memorial hall."

"Of course, your Majesty."

"Good. That will be enough." He said and lay back down, closing his eyes and whispered, "Lin Shu is gone."

"Your Majesty, I will take my leave now."

"Hmmm."

Once the retreating footsteps of Gao Zhan faded into the distance, Xiao Xuan opened his eyes again. He wanted to sleep. He wanted to believe what he had said to Gao Zhan. He could handle this. But when he closed his eyes, he remembered the images from the dream so vividly that it shook him. In the garden. His family. And Yueyao's last look at him. Her last words to him.

"You will forgive me. Right?" He whispered his question into the dimly lit room.

Only silence greeted his question.


End file.
